Are You With a Guy or a Man?

In her NY Times article "Forget the Men. Pick a Guy." Cathleen Calbert tells us why she prefers "Guys" to "Men" in romantic relationships. The gist of her article is that:

• "Men" are efficient and dependable but emotionally distant, even cold. "Guys" are a little flakey, flighty and disorganized, but, when they are around, they are emotionally available.

• "Men" cling to gender roles and antiquated ideals. "Guys" are more flexible with gender roles and more likely to be feminist.

• "Men" are as buttoned up and rigid as the suits they favor. "Guys" are like that perfect pair of jeans and that worn-but-comfortable T-shirts.

If men (or anyone for that matter) were so easily categorized, then dating and love relationships would be a lot easier than they are.

On the surface a "The Guy" may seem like the better bet - especially for the modern woman. But the biggest problem with dividing the males of the species into "Guys" and "Men" is that it does none of us any favors.

The categorization of "Guys" and "Men" reinforces antiquated ideas of what it means to be a "Real" man. That those who are playful, emotional and "fun" are somehow less than men - and because they are less than men, they have permission to be less than responsible and less than reliable.

But, like us, men are complex creatures - capable of alternating periods of "Manliness" and "Guydom". Ultimately, rather than worry about whether you are with a "Guy" or a "Man", it's better to consider whether or not you are with a person that you can rely on to have your back, who treats you with respect and consideration, is confident in - and comfortable with himself - and sees you for the complex, multi-faceted person you are ... and that you are doing the same.